Calm Like A Bombskare

There's only two things in this world that I love, everything and everyone. Which is why it upsets me so much to see our English neighbours set themselves on fire. I blame Milton Friedman. It's very disappointing and unlike everywhere else in the world, Syria, Egypt, Libya etc, it's not for human rights or democracy or any of that nonsense. It's for shoes and iPods, and the sheer thrill of watching stuff burn. It was the opposite of what happened in Egypt. So now the difficult decisions lie ahead such as which song should we cover. 'London's Burning' by The Clash; 'Inner London Violence' by Bad Manners; 'I Predict a Riot' by The Kaiser Chiefs, or my favourite 'Township Rebellion' by Rage Against The Machine.
Now that the've stopped rioting we can get back to the important issue of the day such as, is it time to start lynching Rupert Murdoch, his fucktard son James and that scary Rebekah Brooks. Every day the stories about newspaper phone hacking and corruption gets worse and worse. The other day my mum said to me "Everyone is saying that Rebekah Brooks is going to hell for what she's done, but I disagree, because gingers don't have souls." Naturally I was outraged on behalf of gingers everywhere, but she is a world class racist and batshit insane, like a good 80% of my family. But she's my mum so what can you do. To give just one example of why she's wrong, my very good friend, and Bombskare founding member, Cammy Sinclair is an enormous ginger, and I've seen his soul with my own eyes. It's massive. She's also wrong because I definitely think that Rebekah Brooks is going to hell. Not for her involvement in hacking murder victims and dead soldiers voicemails but for beating up my hero Ross Kemp. Damn you to hell, woman!














Why Ross? Why did you let her beat you up? Why didn't you use your arms, your huge arms?

The worst news is this however. I've lost my pork pie hat, my third hat lost/stolen. It was last seen with this person.




You're probably think that's cute, but trust me, those are the cold dead eyes of a killer!

In other band news, following our commitment to playing Glasgow as often as possible, no matter how much of a dump the venue is, we're playing the O2 Academy again. I know, it's a dive but what can you do, we are supporting Toots (camp nickname) and the Maytals and it's their choice of venue, so suck it up. This time is particularly special though as it could be your last chance to see him live. I don't mean live, as in, rhymes with hive, I mean live, rhymes with give, because if he turns up in Glasgow without a horn section again, we are going to kill him. Call yourself a Ska or Reggae band? Why don't you just change your name to Coldplay and be done with it? Sing songs about your feelings and use tampons for earplugs. We should have pummelled you last time Toots, for wearing the Michael Jackson Thriller outfit. But we can't stay mad at you. In any case it was the last thing I promised Lloyd. He said 'Scott, whatever you do, don't punch Toots, especially not in his stupid fucking face.' Right ho Lloyd.

If you've seen us recently in either Inverness, Newcastle or North Berwick, or any of the festivals, you've probably been thinking that Sam's lost weight and also seems to be sober, but that's not actually Sam. That's our Waz who is super sub, stunt drummer extraordinaire filling in for Sam who has taken some time off to get his Sex Clinic in Newtonmore up and running. He claims that his techniques guarantee male orgasm. Good luck to him. Waz will be with us next weekend at the Wizard Festival, which is magic. We'll be on the mainstage around 2pm. Sam will be back on duty for Sol Fest and Toots. He better have a regulation hair cut or I will beast him. The Loopallu gig is going to be interesting. Yet again we have been asked at the last minute and we are two men down, Murray and Joe. Murray, no problem, ( I'm still not sure what it is that guy does) we'll just replace him with a jakie from the bus station, or Phil Hopwood. But we've never done a gig without Papa Joe. Never. But we have a cunning plan. I am currently reprogramming Waz for bass, I know it sounds dangerous but i've checked his tech specs and it should be fine, so we'll have Sam and Waz at Loopallu. Think about it, that's going to be unmissable.

The Gospel According To Bombskare

Would you like to know the secret of our awesome success? Dress every day like you are going to be stabbed to death in your clothes. Like my father said 'if you try, then try to win', and he should know, he was an Olympic class Glaswegian.

When we turn up to these festivals like the Wickerman or Knockengorroch we are always slightly sickened at the poor dress sense on some of these losers. Just because you've slept in a ditch, out of your mask on magic mushroom whisky doesn't mean you can't wear a nice tie. Ask yourself, would you prefer to be shot in the face whilst wearing a giant foam top hat and a T shirt that says "Wantin' Pumped?", or a bespoke pork pie hat and a fifty quid off the shelf suit that makes you look like a very serious and successful individual or in my case, a bus driver who slept in the depot? It's like choosing between Sean Connery and Roger Moore, it's not even a decision.

On the subject of Wickerman some people were surprised by our fairly impromptu cover of Sublime's 'Date Rape', controversial on many levels, subject matter, tempo, delivery. But mainly they were surprised that we had Colin singing it. Most people don't think of Colin as a multi-talented individual, they think of him more as someone who wanders about with a giant cartoon dog solving mysteries, which I think is a bit unfair. We told Colin that if he did a good job we would have a star named after him. As it is, we've down graded that to a black hole. Still. Also top marks to the wonderful Jane Meanie who did a great job on 'Do All Dogs..' with no rehearsal and a fair bit of nerves. Well done my dear. And thanks to the intrepid Gordon of Khartoum for manning our merch stall during our set.

Now as you all know, this year is the four hundredth anniversary of the King James Bible. Personally I'm not sure if I approve of it being translated into English. What was wrong with the Latin Vulgate version? It's like Mariah Carey doing a cover version of 'Without You', you're just messing with a classic. Anyway to commemorate this fairly influential book we'll be playing in Inverness this Saturday. What does Inverness have to do with the KJB you ask? That's a very deep and rather profound question actually. The lord moves in mysterious ways they say. Not me. I worship Set. You may laugh but I've never once had a bad harvest.

In other news we were very disappointed at the cancellation of the Northern Light Festival in Aberdeen. A stone cold bummer you might say. We were seriously gutted about it, and no, it wasn't just losing out on our huge appearance fee and crazy rider demands (we demanded enriched uranium), we were looking forward to trashing Madness's dressing room. How do you console yourself after a missed opportunity like that? An enormous cheeseboard maybe. Or the second idea I think of.

Also, what's this music award all about? We have no idea. How the hell did we get nominated and when did we become a punk band?

Anyway we have nearly completed all the tracking for the next album. We've been working through a checklist, as long as your arm, of all the bits and pieces that we have to overdub or re-record for whatever reason, but that list is now down to four things so we can see the light at the end so to speak. It's taken a while to get to this point but still faster than the first time round with all our stops and starts, and still faster than it took to translate the King James Bible into English. We have over ninety minutes of music to whittle down to a solid album, and even at this stage it sounds pretty good, to my ears anyway. You can listen to the studio version of 'Do All Dogs Go To Heaven' on Soundcloud, which is 99% complete but unmixed. The songs that don't make the album will be assembled into an apocrypha one would assume, and locked in a vault somewhere. Although non canonical these songs will probably make an appearance at some point. Perhaps near the Dead Sea in two thousand years.