Da Skapital

Our gig with Big Hand went well, even though I lose an internal bet with myself; that we would get our album out before them, blast! It sounds great and probably cost a fortune. Well worth it though. More than four hundred of you turned up and about a hundred of you bought copies of the album. Well done to the boys of course, they put on a good show as always. We had toyed with the idea of playing a cover of ‘This Town Aint Big Enough’, but that would have been a bit mean spirited. They can come and visit Edinburgh anytime they like. No more than a few days though.

We thought we should return the compliment and head down to London and play a gig down on their patch, see how they liked it. Of course they were all up in Edinburgh when we did it so the point was lost. Except for Ingi, their long suffering Manager/Keeper, who made it all the way from Ealing to Brixton, about ten miles as the crow flies just to see us. Not bad considering I don’t think I’ve even walked the length of myself to see Big Hand, and they are way better looking than us. They’re practically handsome. That’s not true actually. I drove to see them in Glasgow once and missed them by an hour.

Anyway, after a four hundred mile drive and a quick Thai meal, we played to a completely unsuspecting Brixton crowd, and just like that, they now know the score. Pow, right in the kisser! One clearly disorientated gentleman afterwards said that we were the best Ska band he had seen outside of Jamaica. I asked him if he had ever been to Jamaica. He said he couldn’t be sure. Classic London pub. They even had Chas and Dave playing there in May. We will definitely be back down there at some point, to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. After our set we had a very quick drink before they shut the bar because of their strange foreign licensing ways. The trouble with England, is that its full of English. Nah, they were lovely really, even when they couldn‘t understand our language, our alien money or our fantastic banter. Except for one guy. Whilst we were setting up one of the crew was trying to break a cable tie at the front of the stage, and turned round and asked if anyone had a knife. I said, ‘ Oh aye, just because we’re Scottish, you assume we’re all carrying knives, you bastard’. I tried to get him but fortunately some of the boys were on hand to pin me down before I could get my Stanley blade out. Apart from that small moment of awkwardness, great gig. The following day Andy and I raced each other all the way to Scotland. I won by about twenty seconds. Car could use a wash though.

Other news, we have relocated our headquarters to Granton, so we can be nearer the water. I’ve also heard that we are going back to the Ironworks again in the near future. I cannot wait. I am counting the days. We will be playing with The Cuban Brothers which should be interesting. One of them was at school with our Vini believe it or not. In Tranent. Next gig, 1st of March in St Andrews with Big Hand and Joe Viterbo. Colin has been invited to play with Amplifico at their long awaited album launch this Saturday, the same time we are playing in St. Andrews. I got a sneak listen of their album and it’s stunning. All these bands with their album launches; its enough to make one very envious. In any case we have come up with a plan to overcome the problem of being in two places at once. It involves a fast car and ten cigarettes. I won’t go into details. Look for us in Fife.

We Are Bombskare!! (And So Can You!)

People occasionally approach me and say ‘Hey! Aren’t you him that plays guitar in Bombskare?’, to which I reply ‘Bawbag! that’s my Indian name, and by the way, your grammar is shocking‘. They sometimes follow these semi-coherent outbursts with the revelation that, they too, are in a band. ‘You don’t say!; It’s like we’re cousins!;’ followed by, do I have any ideas or advice on how I can make their band more Bombskare-tastic, to which I always reply, sorry pal no idea. I don’t even know how to make us more Bombskare-tastic. I suspect it has something to do with duct tape.

Just to be clear: I yield to nobody in my outrage over bad ska bands, and yes indeed, there are one or two of them. I won’t go into details but I can offer some general advice and opinions on the subject of ska bands to anyone who cares. I don’t know much but there are a few definite do’s and don’ts in my opinion. First thing you’ll need is a drummer, any kind will do, but preferably a ginger, and if not ginger then at least make sure that he is a dangerous bastard and that he can count to two. Next up you will need a saxophone player, two if you can get them. You can find saxophone players in a number of places, lurking about pubs in Leith busking for pickled eggs, in Universities, almost anywhere. I like to get mine in Sainsbury’s. Watch out for trumpet players; in my experience they are prone to violence and are complete bastards. If you can get any other brass or woodwind, all to the better. Next up, you will need a singer, someone to front the band, represent your ensemble and also, most importantly, kill time and distract the audience between songs whilst everyone else tunes their instrument, or refills their drink. It was once the case that your front man had to be attractive to members of the opposite sex/gender/persuasion. Thankfully that is no longer the case, although you should take your time in selecting a vocalist, as they can sometimes be hopeless idiots. If you do decide to go down the hopeless idiot route, try and emphasise the idiotic aspects rather than the hopeless aspects. Singers usually range in size, from the behemoth twenty stone variety (the Nebuchadnezzar), the fifteen stone variety (the Jeroboam), or the eleven or twelve stone variety (the Magnum). If you are going with the Magnum variety, best get two. After that you are almost ready to go. You will need an assortment of other personnel in your band to take up space between your singer, your horns and your drums. They will be required to play guitars, keyboards, lifting stuff, water carriers, etc. These nobodies can be in shape or condition. Best just to get them at the Job Centre; you can decide what instrument they will be playing once you get to your first rehearsal. If the Job Centre is quiet, try the Hospital, or else the Zoo.

Of course, then your pain has just begun. You’ll need some songs. It’s easiest just to get the most unemployed member of your band to write the tunes as it’s a tedious, thankless task. Most people in their ignorance think it takes about three minutes to write a ska tune, after all, that’s how long it takes to listen to one. In my experience it usually takes the same time it takes to smoke a fag, and maybe drink a small coffee to write a ska tune, depending on how long the song is of course and how good you are. As for the actual song itself, history and tradition dictate that only two or three chords are required in the composition. Any more than three or four chords and you risk being called jazz, and you don’t want that. Also it’s best to be in the key of G major, because everyone likes G. It’s the vanilla of musical keys. After that all you need are a few words, in any language. Lyrical content, or libretto, can make or break a tune, as good songs can be about anything; love, revenge, super lager. So choose wisely. Bombskare lyrics cover most subject matter; string theory, comparative female anatomy, alien invasion, and so on in that fashion, but my advice is stick to what you know.

Well that’s about it I think. After that you’re all set. Put everyone together in a small room, preferably with little air conditioning, and just add alcohol. You can use any kind but we like to use refreshing Charisma Artois. Once you’ve had a rehearsal or two, you’re all set. Time to get straight to that very important first gig, where your new ensemble will perform their debut, stunning the unsuspecting public with sheer raw ability and musical talent. After that you are on your own. By the way and for the record, I saw an early incarnation of Bombskare in 1998 at one of their first gigs, and it was so bad it nearly gave me cancer. I was puking blood, it was that awful!

That was then, this is now, and these days we don‘t suck so bad. We’ve got a busy year lined up for 2008, even compared to 2007, and last year has been a pretty busy year. We met The Skatalites and played two gigs with them, we met Lester Sterling and of course our patron saint Lloyd Knibb. Not many people can say they have met their patron saint. We met and played with Toots and the Maytals in front of a thousand people at the Arches in Glasgow. We played with Lynval Golding and Pama International. We played two dates with Jerry Dammers. Very strange. We played with Buck Hingley and The Toasters. Not to mention all the other amazing bands that we played with such as the excellent Underling, Taking Chase, Junction Pool, Tyrant Lizard Kings, Root System and loads of others. We also played Knockengorroch Festival, the Sound of Rhum Festival, the Wizard Festival and the World Justice Festival. We’ve met loads of new people, loads of new friends. A big thank you to all of them, and of course all youse lovely people who keep coming back to see us jump around like clowns. Still not bored, eh?

One other thing. We are also in the process of putting the finishing touches on our new single. Before we make any rash promises about when we will be releasing it, lets just get this appearance at Big Hand’s album launch out of the way first. It’s on the 8th of February and it will be an early one. Should be exciting stuff. Maybe.